I have not blogged for many months and I feel bad because it is a way to document my family's life and I am letting so many so but important things slip by. I often feel like I need, or want, a picture to go with my story and I don't have one or I haven't uploaded it yet or the camera is dead so I don't write. But, I need to write. I need to write to remember or I forget. Sometimes writing makes things become more clear as well. The frustration fades away as you write about it or the joy comes back as you reminisce.
I tried potty training Benjamin yesterday. It was a failure. He asked to go back in diapers and I gladly obliged. I am getting to old to make the kind of effort I did with my first few children. My girls were easy. One day and we were done, at 2 1/2 almost to the day with each of them.
Joshua and Benjamin not so easy. At 2 1/2 I didn't even consider attempting it. Neither seemed at all ready. At 3 I felt like I had to try it, what if they were ready but I didn't know they were ready and I was wasting all this time in diapers. However, neither of them did it at 3 either. So I will give Benjamin a few more months maybe at the beginning of the summer, maybe at the end. Hopefully no later than that. I am ready to be done, but I don't want to clean up countless accidents, so we will wait.
Parenting in general has been frustrating lately. I feel like at best I am spinning my wheels and at worst ruining my kids. Why can't they just see that we have the best intentions for them and can see the big picture in a way they can't. I wonder if I am pushing my agenda on them, do I need to give them more responsibility? I can't seem to organize them in a way that makes them responsible for themselves. I can never seem to remember what I need to get done, or what I need them to do until it is too late. I also feel like sometimes they are just so rude to me.
Their teachers always rave about how polite they are and how they always thank them. Something we have tried to teach, but we don't get the same respect at home. I am sure that I am failing in some way, but I don't know how to change the behavior. I am reading a couple of parenting books right now in the hopes that some answers will come.
So here we are struggling through the end of winter. Several good fun things have happened that I will write about, but I needed to put down some other feelings as well and mundane things as well
1 year ago
4 comments:
I am positive you are doing an outstanding job as a parent. Your kids are older than mine, and I'm sure try to push the boundaries more and more the older they get. I'm sure there's lots I could learn from you, so hang in there!
On the blog front: I'm with ya! I feel complete guilt that I'm not documenting life more, but feel at loss for where to begin, what to post, etc. I'm hoping to be able to put a little more energy in to this this year.
Miss your family! - M
Our youth just received a lesson about this in church. It focused on how we as adults often see a bigger picture and they don't. It is a widespread problem for sure. I experience this frustration as well.
Everyday, I worry that I am screwing my own kids up. It is the worst feeling that comes with being a parent. The fact that you worry proves that you are a good parent though.
I find it a bit easier with Brianna, now that she is 15, to share with her some of the reasons why I make the decisions that I do. I have shared articles and studies about subjects like Facebook and driving. She doesn't give me as hard of a time as she used too. As she has had more experience with the Spirit and promptings, it hasn't been as hard for her to fuss when I say, "Something just doesn't feel right and I have to say no." The younger ones aren't as easy yet.
I love what a friend posted about why she does so much silly stuff on all the holidays, spend lots of time doing fun things together, etc. She said that is providing a well of happy memories from which her children can draw from when they have left home. Happy memories that can banish bad thoughts and the unhappy ones. I remember being taught that a healthy marriage has 5 good experiences/days/moments/ to every 1 bad. I think that is the same for families.
I often tell my kids sorry if I screw up and when I take the sacrament that sometimes I am asking for forgiveness for making mistakes as their mom. My kids have often done the same thing. We all make mistakes.
This made me wish you were across the street so that I could come over and give you a warm hug. It's okay to have the feelings you do. I feel like I do it (the mom thing) more wrong than I do right. I pray continually that I will not mess these children up! Continue to seek the Lord. I know you do. Don't let Satan occupy your mind for longer than a moment. He is wasting your time! Can't wait to see you and talk till all hours of the morning. LOVE YOU!!
You are being way too hard on yourself! I can only imagine what it would be like having a couple additional kids in our household. HF knew you could handle it. Clearly I didn't make the cut...:) Look forward to catching up with you soon. I left you a message a while back but you were probably busy holding down the fort. Call when you can. I'd love to catch up!
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